Church youth leaders are often among the first adults to notice when a young person is struggling with something. You build trusted relationships, walk alongside young people in their faith, and create spaces where they feel safe to be themselves. Because of this, you may encounter young people affected by eating disorders, whether directly or indirectly. In fact, you probably already have. Sadly, eating disorders are becoming more common and are affecting children at ever-younger ages.

With this in mind, we hope that this short blog will equip you with understanding, confidence, and some practical tools on how to respond well.

Eating disorders are…

Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not about food, vanity, or attention-seeking. They are serious mental health conditions, often stemming from emotional distress, anxiety and low self-worth.

For many young people, food becomes a coping mechanism; a way to manage overwhelming feelings when life feels out of control. Faith can sometimes be affected too, with young people experiencing guilt, shame, or confusion about how their struggles fit with being a Christian.

Many people associate eating disorders with white, teenage girls and anorexia. But it’s important to remember:

• Eating disorders can affect anyone, regardless of gender, background, or level of church involvement

• Someone can appear ‘healthy’ but still be very unwell (particularly those with bulimia)

• Faith does not make someone immune to mental health problems

• Struggling with mental health does not mean ‘weak faith’

Many youth leaders we speak to want to know ‘how to spot’ if someone has an eating disorder. Below are some pointers to be aware of. You are not expected to diagnose, but being aware of possible warning signs can enable you to act early to find the help the young person needs. The sooner they get help, the quicker they will recover.

Spotting the signs

Possible behavioural and emotional signs include:

• Skipping meals or making excuses not to eat

• Becoming rigid or anxious around food choices

• Frequently talking about weight, calories, or talking about ‘being good/bad’

• Withdrawing from social situations, especially those involving food

• Increased perfectionism or harsh self-criticism

• Low mood, irritability, or emotional numbness

• Excessive exercise or distress if unable to exercise

• Spiritualising food control (e.g. fasting beyond healthy or appropriate contexts)

A single sign doesn’t necessarily indicate someone has an eating disorder but patterns and changes over time may indicate a problem, particularly if the young person is withdrawing and is not their usual self. This is also true for young people struggling with binge eating. They may be reluctant to eat in front of others and you may see them feeling anxious or distressed after eating.

How to Respond Well

We very often hear people say that they are scared of saying anything, afraid they might ‘make the situation worse’, and so they don’t say anything at all. At tastelife, we believe that you already have the skills you need to respond well! By being compassionate, non-judgmental and listening well, you can make a huge difference to the life of a young person who is struggling in their relationship with food. But here are some practical pointers to help you along the way:

What Helps to say

• ‘I’ve noticed you seem to be having a hard time and I care about you.’

• ‘You don’t have to go through this alone.’

• ‘Thank you for trusting me with this.’

• ‘Would you like help finding someone to talk to?’

What to Avoid saying

• ‘Just eat more / less’

• ‘You don’t look like you have an eating disorder’

• ‘Pray more and it will go away’

• ‘Others have it worse’

• General comments about weight, appearance, or food portions

Remember that your role is not to fix, but to listen, show compassion, and help connect the young person with appropriate support (parents, safeguarding leads, GP, or specialist services).

How to pray with someone

Prayer can be deeply comforting but it must be offered sensitively.

Helpful approaches include:

• Asking permission before praying

• Focusing prayer on God’s presence, love, and strength, not on changing weight or eating behaviours

• Avoiding language that implies blame, sin, lack of faith or a need to ‘cast out’ something

• Reassuring young people that seeking professional help and prayer can go hand-in-hand.

• Reassuring that full recovery is 100% possible

Sometimes simply sitting quietly, being present, and holding hope is the most powerful ministry.

Final thoughts

You don’t need to be an expert to make a difference. Being kind, informed, and willing to listen can be life-changing for a young person struggling with an eating disorder or in their relationship with food. If you are concerned about someone, then speak to your pastoral team and together you can pray and plan how to approach the situation. Remember that the sooner a young person gets help, the sooner they will recover.